Kasteel de Haar

Kasteel de Haar

In a galaxy not quite as far away as you might expect, but certainly a dimension or two to the left, sits a rather incongruous slice of Earth—a delightful piece of the Netherlands that is, quite frankly, more magical than anything you'd expect to find in this particular arm of the Milky Way. This slice is none other than Kasteel de Haar.

To begin your cosmic adventure, start by imagining yourself navigating the pebble-strewn expanse of a courtyard that seems almost purpose-built to confound would-be invaders with sprained ankles. Just beyond, through a verdant tunnel of trees that would make any English garden green with envy, lies a castle. And not just any castle. This is a castle that seems to have won the architectural equivalent of the interstellar lottery.

Peering through the leafy trees is like playing hide-and-seek with a giant – Kasteel de Haar flirts with you from behind the greenery, teasing glances of its majestic stature. Then, as if stepping through a wormhole, the whole stunning tableau unfolds in front of you, in the midst of a rose garden that surely borrowed seeds from the Garden of Eden.

Now, one could teleport straight to Kasteel de Haar, but that would mean bypassing a curious phenomenon unique to this corner of the Galaxy called "Dutch Countryside Biking". Starting from Vleuten Station, you embark on a two-wheeled contraption, known to Earthlings as a 'bicycle'.

Here's the thing about biking in the Dutch countryside: it’s almost suspiciously idyllic. So much so that one might think the entire scene was designed by a group of intergalactic artists who'd consumed a tad too much of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. Windmills turn in that lazy, "I've-got-all-the-time-in-the-world" manner, fields of tulips flash colors you're quite certain don't exist on most planetary spectrums, and serene canals mirror the vast, often perplexing Dutch sky.

From Vleuten Station to Kasteel de Haar, it's a hop, skip, and approximately 10-15 minutes of pedaling. But not too hard, mind you, as the land here is as flat as a Vogon's sense of humor. By the time you spot the castle's turrets piercing the horizon, you're already so entranced by the Netherlands that discovering a spaceport in the castle's backyard wouldn't be the least bit surprising.

General Information for Spacefaring Travelers and Regular Tourists

Galactic Coordinates

Kasteel de Haar
Kasteellaan 1
3455 RR Haarzuilens
The Netherlands (Earth)

Spaceship Docking (also known as Parking)

Spaces for 600 space shuttles (or cars if you're still using those).
Fee: Approximately 6 Earth Euros (as of Earth Date November 2022, may change due to inflation or alien invasion)

Galactic Communication Devices

Interstellar Phone: +31 (0)30 85 15
Space Mail: informatie@kasteeldehaar.nl

For all those who think they've found a wormhole we missed or an enchanted garden that's even more, well, enchanting, beam us your feedback. We at zachandalison.com are always keen to elevate our inter-dimensional travel guides. Safe travels, whether you're riding a bike or a starship!

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